Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
