Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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