I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
