oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
