remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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