YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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