wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she told me i tasted like america
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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