So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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