Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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