Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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