i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
