If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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