1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
