Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
