he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
