Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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