Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We have started to decorate penises.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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