At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
