Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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