Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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