So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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