Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
