Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
