You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
