babies were throwing up all over the place
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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