My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
