i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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