I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
