every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
