I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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