Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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