They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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