Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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