I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We got so high we made milksteak
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
