Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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