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Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Vodka?
Forever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
