i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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