my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
