good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
