in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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