I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
