So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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