I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
