I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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