two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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