You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
