dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
