Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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