Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize