Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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