suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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