I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
