i just google imaged poop.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
