booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
