If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
