i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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